yeah so i lost it and blew up at him... i know thats what he wanted to happen... I hate that i let go like that but i was just so tired of it... i haven't been feeling well and not sleeping = a pissy Tarah....
So i went over to talk to him about our taxes... I told him I felt that since I didn't have a job and have the boys that i should get the return... minus filing for divorce and catching up on our bills (cell & utilities) but for me to have what was left so i could take care of the boys... I told him that its been almost 3 weeks and he had only given me 50 bucks for Haydn...
He he took what i said the wrong way i guess... (i was only stating a fact) and got mad at me for saying it and how i hurt his heart by saying "only 50 bucks"... I was like are you serious? its just the truth...
He went on to tell me he gave me the $ when he could... and how he didn't appreciate me saying that to him... **(like how dare I, right?)**
so i told him that we needed to step outside... and I totally lost it...
I told him that i was sorry if i hurt his feeling but it wasn't intentional... he went on about and i think that is when i went ape shit...
I was yelling and cussing... (not at him or calling him names) but i really lost my mind... i was so angry... I told him wow heaven forbit me hurting your feelings and you can tell me how you make out with random women and i find these "dating/picking up women tip" and you can tell me you don't love or respect me... or you can ask me to get an abortion (those were the first words out of his mouth when i told him i was pregnant with Haydn)... wow ... and thats not everything...
he also went on about how he was mad that i put "karma" on my facebook... and asked me "how" i could think that was Karma... i was like wow really do i need to elaborate...?? really!?!?!
so things simmered down and i felt bad because thats not me... so i tired to call him to apologize... he didn't answer... he sends me an im asking me what i wanted... i tried to get him to talk to me but he wouldn't so i had to do it all through IM
So i got some tax info from him and told him that i would file joint so he wouldnt have to pay back any taxes... he went on to say how he worked most of last year and how he deserves at least half of it... i told him it wasn't about deserving it... i said who needs it? I told him i wasnt out to take all his money or get him for all that he has... (which isn't much)
And again he is trying to make me look like the bad guy... I told him i would pay the state taxes for last year and this year ($925)
so he kept saying how i needed to file for the divorce asap... and how i better not blow the "only money" ill get for the rest of my life... and went on to say how i better not bring any men or women around haydn until i'm married to that person...
Wow... really.... being with somebody else is the last thing on my mind right now...
So today I go pick up the boys... i was late cuz my alarm didn't go off... so as soon as i woke up i went and picked them up.. **i was still in my pjs**
He hardly said a word to me.... I got our SScards and birth cert.... I was trying to talk to him but he would cut me off and say its none of my business and how after last night there was no chance of us fixing things... i was like wow... and to think i thought u wanted to make it work... DERR... i was like yeah what ever makes u feel better... and he went on to try and bash me some more like he always does... then tried to be all boo hoo poor gurcan...
He was going on about how he didnt want anything from me or my family and how i could throw away or give away this jacket my parents got him a few years ago... and how we all just "F#CKED him"... i was like wow ok... uh huh... alright... yeah... M'hm... yep... ok yeah alright... pretty much the whole time...
Oh well... I know he will never change... and he maybe with somebody already... or somebody in the near future... but i know that it wont last... because he won't take any fault in any of his actions or words... and i hope that this person doesnt take it for as long as i have...
I'm just so done.. i wish things would start falling into place... I'm ready to move on...
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