~Lies~

I feel like part of me is dying. Everytime I look at him its like I loose more of myself. I love him. Sadly I do. I love him even though he is not healthy for me. I look at him and I see the good thats there somewhere...

Lastnight I went by our house to check on Jupiter (our dog) and I fell asleep... when I woke up I missed being home... in my bed... with my things...

Well anyways Gurcan was in the living room so i went to see if we could chat. We started talking. Then he went on to say how he lied about making out with other women. I know he was lying then. Its like he keeps thinking thats the only reason why I want a divorce. I reminded him it wasnt that... but the fact when I asked him to stop he said no and that i had to accept it because all men do it... and not only that... but he also told me he didnt love me and respect me. I said THOSE ARE THE REASONS. ( i wasn't yelling)
He went on to say that he lied so that my parents wouldnt be mad at me... and that he would take all the blame... i was speachless.... i'm still flabber gasted...

He is trying to play the victim.

The boys and I have been at my parents for a complete two weeks going on three. Gurcan gave me a cashiers check (the kind you get from a teller at a bank) for $50.00 and it had my name on it but also said for Haydn Child support.... I asked him why he did that... he could of just given me money or put it in my account. He said he felt like she should of given me something... (after almost 3 weeks!?!?)

I can't believe he thinks I'm that stupid...

*sighs* Well on to another subject.... I'm still looking for work... i got the help wanted out of the Sunday paper and it was only 2 pages front and back... but i have a list of 7 places i need to go to today. I would really like to get the job at the flower shop... but we'll see...