So it has been awhile... I've been so busy packing my house, going through and selling things... I'm down to just packing my room and clothes...
Its like the more I pack the worse I feel. Its like you work so hard to achieve something and its all gone.
*sighs* I should be back with my folks by Saturday night.
I will miss this place.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
I don't know what to say any more...
So yesterday I tried to contact Gurcan to get some info for the papers that my lawyer needs... so i sent him an IM... he replied and said that he didn't want to give it to me over the phone or through IM and that he would rather meet with me to do it. I agreed and said i would bring the boys... we met at Barnes and Nobles @ bridge street... so i get there and he didn't want me to fill it in that "he" had to do it.
Now this form i had shown him b4 but of course I hadnt filled it out... so he reads the form as he is "fillin' his part out"... and all i needed from him was how much he paid in insurance, gross monthly income, and his DL number. I would try and take it back from him and he would pull away... of course we're in public and in the child section of the store... so I/we couldn't cause a scene...
So at the end of the paperwork it askes if i forsee any future issues or problems... so i put. Fear, distrust, dishonesty, possible violence & stalking, using children for information, and possible abandonment....
He read this and was about to explode and started to freak out because he thought that stuff was going on the paper work. I kept trying to tell him that this was info just for my lawyer and it wasn't going in the "papers"...
Also on the form it asked what kinds of things had we agreed on and stuff like that... so while he was there i wanted to go over a few things just to make sure.
Well everything was fine until i asked him if he would agree to pay half of any child care be it day care or after school care for Haydn. He said no. (he said since he will be paying child support he doesn't think he should have to pay "extra") He honestly believes that he is only going to have to pay 50 bucks a week for support for Haydn. and he still hasn't even done that on his own... I have yet to see any other support for Haydn.
and please note that this was the only thing I had asked him to agree on... I didn't want anything else...
He went on to say what he wanted to agree on...
He wanted me to agree to open a bank account for Haydn that we couldnt touch unless we both agreed on the reasoning and that it was supposed to be for his future education. ~I said I have no problem with that~
He went on to say that he wanted a certian % of the support that he gives me to go in there and that what ever the amount is I have to match it... ~I told him I had no problem putting a % of the support in the account but I couldnt agree to match it~
He then went on to say how I stole his income tax and that he wants me to give him his share... and that we could do it at a bank and he would inturn put the money in a money order for me so I would have the money right back...
~ I told him I wasn't going to agree to do any of that because he already had agreed that i could have the whole income tax and that he only wants his "share" now because he found out how much I was getting... and he wants it to look like the "lump" sum is some sort of child support...
*~He went on to say that i couldnt say that i "take care" of haydn because all i do is sit and play around on the computer~ I told him that I didn't meet with him to hear this kind of abuse and that if he didn't have anything nice to say then our conversation was over. I told him after everything you had done... I'm still nice to you and you cant show me the same respect~*
So after i told him that he went on to say how I owe him 660 bucks for a debt he paid. I told him I had no problem paying him for that but i wouldnt pay him with the tax money.. I would pay him monthly once I found a job...
He went on to say how he would give it right back to me... ~~I was so about to loose it~~ I told him if he really wanted to be that way then he needs to think about what he owes me... I said... you owe me 167ish bucks for the Dec utilities 250ish for the Jan utilities at least 150 for the past 2 months of cell phone (and thats only half the bill) and half the rent because he is still on the lease so there for still legally responsible... so that is $867 oh wait my car insurance so take out 50 and the 660... so that is $157 THAT YOU OWE ME!
He then went on to say how i told his income tax and that he would sue me... his share once the bills are caught up is $1166... I told him that it would cost him that much just for a lawyer and that it wasn't worth it. He went on to say that if i would just give it to him he would give it right back in a Money Order.... I said no there is no need because he had already agreed for me to have it and it wasn't an open invite for him to change his mind or make extra conditions...
He started to get headed and went on to call our land lord because he said he wasn't responsible for the rent since he moved out. I told him sorry your on the lease... end of story.... nothing to do about it... so he went on to say how he was going to call him and have himself taken off the lease.
I told him that we were done talking about all this and he needed to spend time with his children. (since he was going to Florence for the weekend)
Well Ethan said he was hungry and I told Gurcan that there was this sushi place Ethan liked. So we went there and ordered our food and as we were waiting Gurcan said (way out of the blue) "I'm so sorry Haydn"
I looked at him thinking he may of bumped into him or something... and I just said what happened? He said "For bringing him into this world.... *pause*.... with you."
In my mind I was like holy cow... wow... i was stunned... I told him "gurcan you can't say that kind of stuff infront of them"
he went on to say more remarks like that and inuendos... through out the dinner... and when it was just about over Ethan told me how he wanted Daddy and me to stay married and that his smoking wasnt a big deal and that he wanted us to be together.
Gurcan went on to say how we were divorcing and how we would be there for him... I told Ethan that Daddy loved him and Daddy would always be his Daddy... Gurcan breaks in and say "Only if Mommy agrees..."
I said "Gurcan! Not now."
right after that we left and he walked us to our car... he went on to tell me that he would be more helpful to me if i wasn't trying to rip him off... I that I was sorry he felt that way but I've been honest with him about everything.
He went on to say that if i don't agree then he wouldn't be "you know who's daddy" I said WoOOow... did u hear what you just said... what kind of person... no wait what kind of MAN would say that... I told him to really look into himself and think about what kind of person he is and accept the things he has done and said during our marriage....
he closed my door and I just started to cry... Ethan had asked me to roll down his window so i did he wanted to tell daddy that he loved him and wanted him to be good.
Gurcan went on to tell him how he loved him and misses him... (which made me cry even more)
Ethan asked me if i was ok... i told him i was fine... he said mommy but your voice sounds so whiney... i told him i was fine lol and that i felt like i was going to sneeze... he said ok.. so we came home and had our PJ party and watched a movie and cuddled in my bed. I wanted to blog all this last night but i didnt have the energy.... its like every time i see him its so draining...
So from now on I'm not going to meet with him ever. If he wants to see Haydn he will have to come and get him. I'm not going to put Ethan through the rejection and I am affraid that if Ethan was with him that Gurcan would loose it and let it out on him. So Ethan is going to see him.
It breaks my heart. I seem to cry every day.
I know there is more to unload on here but I get so tired and I know it makes it easier for me to put everything on here but it hurts everytime that I type or tell it...
~~Gurcan did show up at my house Thursday and pretty much said I hired the two mexicans that broke into his car so that i could find some incrimintating evidence on his laptop and gps... and again how i stole his tax money and how he is sure that I ripped up the check he is supposed to be getting from LG for his tution refund. He said he told his sister everything and that he told her she didn't have to talk to me any more so i shouldnt be surprised if she doesn't...~~
I know he says and does these things to hurt me.. I hate that I still let it affect me. I just want it all to be over. Part of me wishes that he would just go away. I don't want him to be apart of our lives if he is going to cont. to be hateful. Thats one of the reasons for the divorce is because I couldnt take it any more. I didn't divorce him so it would/could cont....
I just want to be free.
Now this form i had shown him b4 but of course I hadnt filled it out... so he reads the form as he is "fillin' his part out"... and all i needed from him was how much he paid in insurance, gross monthly income, and his DL number. I would try and take it back from him and he would pull away... of course we're in public and in the child section of the store... so I/we couldn't cause a scene...
So at the end of the paperwork it askes if i forsee any future issues or problems... so i put. Fear, distrust, dishonesty, possible violence & stalking, using children for information, and possible abandonment....
He read this and was about to explode and started to freak out because he thought that stuff was going on the paper work. I kept trying to tell him that this was info just for my lawyer and it wasn't going in the "papers"...
Also on the form it asked what kinds of things had we agreed on and stuff like that... so while he was there i wanted to go over a few things just to make sure.
Well everything was fine until i asked him if he would agree to pay half of any child care be it day care or after school care for Haydn. He said no. (he said since he will be paying child support he doesn't think he should have to pay "extra") He honestly believes that he is only going to have to pay 50 bucks a week for support for Haydn. and he still hasn't even done that on his own... I have yet to see any other support for Haydn.
and please note that this was the only thing I had asked him to agree on... I didn't want anything else...
He went on to say what he wanted to agree on...
He wanted me to agree to open a bank account for Haydn that we couldnt touch unless we both agreed on the reasoning and that it was supposed to be for his future education. ~I said I have no problem with that~
He went on to say that he wanted a certian % of the support that he gives me to go in there and that what ever the amount is I have to match it... ~I told him I had no problem putting a % of the support in the account but I couldnt agree to match it~
He then went on to say how I stole his income tax and that he wants me to give him his share... and that we could do it at a bank and he would inturn put the money in a money order for me so I would have the money right back...
~ I told him I wasn't going to agree to do any of that because he already had agreed that i could have the whole income tax and that he only wants his "share" now because he found out how much I was getting... and he wants it to look like the "lump" sum is some sort of child support...
*~He went on to say that i couldnt say that i "take care" of haydn because all i do is sit and play around on the computer~ I told him that I didn't meet with him to hear this kind of abuse and that if he didn't have anything nice to say then our conversation was over. I told him after everything you had done... I'm still nice to you and you cant show me the same respect~*
So after i told him that he went on to say how I owe him 660 bucks for a debt he paid. I told him I had no problem paying him for that but i wouldnt pay him with the tax money.. I would pay him monthly once I found a job...
He went on to say how he would give it right back to me... ~~I was so about to loose it~~ I told him if he really wanted to be that way then he needs to think about what he owes me... I said... you owe me 167ish bucks for the Dec utilities 250ish for the Jan utilities at least 150 for the past 2 months of cell phone (and thats only half the bill) and half the rent because he is still on the lease so there for still legally responsible... so that is $867 oh wait my car insurance so take out 50 and the 660... so that is $157 THAT YOU OWE ME!
He then went on to say how i told his income tax and that he would sue me... his share once the bills are caught up is $1166... I told him that it would cost him that much just for a lawyer and that it wasn't worth it. He went on to say that if i would just give it to him he would give it right back in a Money Order.... I said no there is no need because he had already agreed for me to have it and it wasn't an open invite for him to change his mind or make extra conditions...
He started to get headed and went on to call our land lord because he said he wasn't responsible for the rent since he moved out. I told him sorry your on the lease... end of story.... nothing to do about it... so he went on to say how he was going to call him and have himself taken off the lease.
I told him that we were done talking about all this and he needed to spend time with his children. (since he was going to Florence for the weekend)
Well Ethan said he was hungry and I told Gurcan that there was this sushi place Ethan liked. So we went there and ordered our food and as we were waiting Gurcan said (way out of the blue) "I'm so sorry Haydn"
I looked at him thinking he may of bumped into him or something... and I just said what happened? He said "For bringing him into this world.... *pause*.... with you."
In my mind I was like holy cow... wow... i was stunned... I told him "gurcan you can't say that kind of stuff infront of them"
he went on to say more remarks like that and inuendos... through out the dinner... and when it was just about over Ethan told me how he wanted Daddy and me to stay married and that his smoking wasnt a big deal and that he wanted us to be together.
Gurcan went on to say how we were divorcing and how we would be there for him... I told Ethan that Daddy loved him and Daddy would always be his Daddy... Gurcan breaks in and say "Only if Mommy agrees..."
I said "Gurcan! Not now."
right after that we left and he walked us to our car... he went on to tell me that he would be more helpful to me if i wasn't trying to rip him off... I that I was sorry he felt that way but I've been honest with him about everything.
He went on to say that if i don't agree then he wouldn't be "you know who's daddy" I said WoOOow... did u hear what you just said... what kind of person... no wait what kind of MAN would say that... I told him to really look into himself and think about what kind of person he is and accept the things he has done and said during our marriage....
he closed my door and I just started to cry... Ethan had asked me to roll down his window so i did he wanted to tell daddy that he loved him and wanted him to be good.
Gurcan went on to tell him how he loved him and misses him... (which made me cry even more)
Ethan asked me if i was ok... i told him i was fine... he said mommy but your voice sounds so whiney... i told him i was fine lol and that i felt like i was going to sneeze... he said ok.. so we came home and had our PJ party and watched a movie and cuddled in my bed. I wanted to blog all this last night but i didnt have the energy.... its like every time i see him its so draining...
So from now on I'm not going to meet with him ever. If he wants to see Haydn he will have to come and get him. I'm not going to put Ethan through the rejection and I am affraid that if Ethan was with him that Gurcan would loose it and let it out on him. So Ethan is going to see him.
It breaks my heart. I seem to cry every day.
I know there is more to unload on here but I get so tired and I know it makes it easier for me to put everything on here but it hurts everytime that I type or tell it...
~~Gurcan did show up at my house Thursday and pretty much said I hired the two mexicans that broke into his car so that i could find some incrimintating evidence on his laptop and gps... and again how i stole his tax money and how he is sure that I ripped up the check he is supposed to be getting from LG for his tution refund. He said he told his sister everything and that he told her she didn't have to talk to me any more so i shouldnt be surprised if she doesn't...~~
I know he says and does these things to hurt me.. I hate that I still let it affect me. I just want it all to be over. Part of me wishes that he would just go away. I don't want him to be apart of our lives if he is going to cont. to be hateful. Thats one of the reasons for the divorce is because I couldnt take it any more. I didn't divorce him so it would/could cont....
I just want to be free.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Packing
So I was able to get a bunch of boxes today... and my neighbor gave me some packin' tape... but i just can't bring myself to start packing... its too depressing... the boys distract me easily... and it just sucks...
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Welcome Home...
So me and the boys came back home after being at my parents for three weeks... I slept so good and I woke up right on time...
Gurcan had told me that when he left for work that he wouldn't be coming back. Well when we first got here he was here... he said he wanted to say good night to the boys and then he was leaving... (i didn't belive him... i thought he would end up on the couch or something) and well he actually left.... but guess where he went... lol to Florence... why he couldn't do this three weeks ago i dunno... but its def. nice to be back home and in my own bed... but i do have to clean it because he didn't do anything around the house while we were gone... I washed all those dishes and he left me a sink full.... oh well... at least he is out.
I asked my land lord if it would be ok if i paid him the rent when my Income Tax came in... i told him it would be either this friday or next... he said no problem. So I gave him my 30 day notice and told him the place would be clean.
If anybody knows of a good storage place please let me know or if you have any spare boxes please send them my way!! Wish me luck...
Gurcan had told me that when he left for work that he wouldn't be coming back. Well when we first got here he was here... he said he wanted to say good night to the boys and then he was leaving... (i didn't belive him... i thought he would end up on the couch or something) and well he actually left.... but guess where he went... lol to Florence... why he couldn't do this three weeks ago i dunno... but its def. nice to be back home and in my own bed... but i do have to clean it because he didn't do anything around the house while we were gone... I washed all those dishes and he left me a sink full.... oh well... at least he is out.
I asked my land lord if it would be ok if i paid him the rent when my Income Tax came in... i told him it would be either this friday or next... he said no problem. So I gave him my 30 day notice and told him the place would be clean.
If anybody knows of a good storage place please let me know or if you have any spare boxes please send them my way!! Wish me luck...
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