ya know what....

I don't feel bad any more... because the truth has come out.

and I told him to his face that it was OVER!

Well apprently he has been dating/playing games/using other women... and it has been going on for a long time....

so about 3 weeks ago he has been telling me how he loves me and the boys.... and how he misses us... and wants his family back.... I didn't believe him....

So March 26th he asked me out on a date... I couldn't go because it was short notice... well he takes it upon himself to drive to ATL. & FUCK this girl named Beverly MEANS... if ya'll wanna look her up... now i'm not mad at her bc i know he had to of been lying to her.... and SHE is the girl (i don't want to say cause but she was the start of it all )that he was chatting with when we 1st got married and I found her pics and what not that she had sent him.... was about a month into our marriage.

So anyways... April 3rd i think he felt like he had to come clean.... well only because I counted the condems he had and 3 were missing and I asked him about it...

SOOooooo he tells me about Beverly.... and about Kim (she was the JGM in his cell).... and about 2 or 3 (he can't remember) other girls that have come to his appartment.... he tells me the only person he fucked was Beverly... and that he only kissed Kim... and nothing happened with the other girls (wich were girls from his school) and Kim he met at Barnes & Nobles....

I told him i appreciated his honesty but that it was kinda late.... and I had know and what he told me just validated everything.... I had no emotion that night.... So I leave (it was his weekend with the boys) and its when I'm alone that i realize everything.... and i was angry... very very angry... I was angry because I let him do this.... I should of stood up for myself a long time ago.... I was mad because I didn't do anything to him to make him treat me this way... and all the shit he has said to me or done or made me feel or whatever.... and he was the one that was wrong... I was hurt because ALL of his friends knew... and covered for him....

These friends came to my house... ate my food .... were around my kids.... and lied to my face.... I know they're not "bad people" but I HATE THEM!

I could give a shit less about them or Gurcan right now... ALL THE EMOTIONAL ABUSE! VERBAL!! LIKE WTF!

ALL THE TIMES I DOUBTED MYSELF.... because of HiM.... I'm still angry...