Day Twenty-Two

Its getting easier... just need to be more picky and active... Its been really hard and still is at times... I've started biking,hiking, and walking....
I wish I had a scale then i could tell if i'm losing weight... but I must keep going!


I will prove them all wrong!

Day Nine

so its been over a week... i broke down an had a soda today only one can though... I do notice the way i feel  and have felt since i cut out all the processed food... I've been more tired.... and i run out of energy... and much of it has to do with what food i had eaten... its tough... and expensive... and it really shouldn't be this expensive...

I've been so busy with the boys and school... but i have been walking with Sarah and will start riding my bike this week.

must sleep now.... ^_^

Day Two

Today was tougher... i found myself not feeling full or satisfied with what i was eating... I was also extremely tired and had to take a nap this afternoon. I don't know if its because of the diet or if its something else... But i surely don't think i'm going to be able to blog every day... so every few days or i may do it weekly... not sure..

going to walk with Sarah B again tomorrow and I hope to buy my bike soon :)

its late...

tomorrow is a new day... i must stay positive.

Day One

I did make some videos but i've been running around like a mad woman... should edit and be up soon....it has been a success... not easy but its done and over... now for day two...
I'm super tired and going to keep this short... *hugs* and thanks guys for all the support

New Beginings...

So I have decided to make a change... I know its going to be difficult, but I know it is something that I need to try to do.

I'm going to try and blog at the end of every night either on here or video and I'll share the link via YouTube...

I guess I should tell you what I'm doing....

Starting tomorrow... I'm going to walk one hour everyday... (more if Sarah & I can do it)

Also... I'm cutting frozen, canned, and jarred food out of my (and kids) diet....
I want to make this live-able. So we are keeping jarred and canned foods like pickles, ketchup, mayo, mustard, etc. (and beef and chicken broth)

And we are keeping ice cream, jello, and pudding.

We'll be removing "heavier" meats out of our diet (beef & pork)... we'll almost be considered Pescatarians... but i want to be able to eat eggs and (chicken and turkey on occasions)

I know its pretty impossible to cut out all "can" and "jar" items from out lives... there isn't enough time in the day to make all those things.

Cutting out all fast food... only dine in places maybe once or twice a month.

so all chips and snacks out...

I wonder if I'll go through a withdrawal period... lol

oh and as far as drinks go... Only water(letting kids have the crystal lite stuff), milk, juice, and tea (on occasion)

I pray that I can keep this habit and become a healthier person for me and my kids....

well at least this should be entertaining... lol...

ya know what....

I don't feel bad any more... because the truth has come out.

and I told him to his face that it was OVER!

Well apprently he has been dating/playing games/using other women... and it has been going on for a long time....

so about 3 weeks ago he has been telling me how he loves me and the boys.... and how he misses us... and wants his family back.... I didn't believe him....

So March 26th he asked me out on a date... I couldn't go because it was short notice... well he takes it upon himself to drive to ATL. & FUCK this girl named Beverly MEANS... if ya'll wanna look her up... now i'm not mad at her bc i know he had to of been lying to her.... and SHE is the girl (i don't want to say cause but she was the start of it all )that he was chatting with when we 1st got married and I found her pics and what not that she had sent him.... was about a month into our marriage.

So anyways... April 3rd i think he felt like he had to come clean.... well only because I counted the condems he had and 3 were missing and I asked him about it...

SOOooooo he tells me about Beverly.... and about Kim (she was the JGM in his cell).... and about 2 or 3 (he can't remember) other girls that have come to his appartment.... he tells me the only person he fucked was Beverly... and that he only kissed Kim... and nothing happened with the other girls (wich were girls from his school) and Kim he met at Barnes & Nobles....

I told him i appreciated his honesty but that it was kinda late.... and I had know and what he told me just validated everything.... I had no emotion that night.... So I leave (it was his weekend with the boys) and its when I'm alone that i realize everything.... and i was angry... very very angry... I was angry because I let him do this.... I should of stood up for myself a long time ago.... I was mad because I didn't do anything to him to make him treat me this way... and all the shit he has said to me or done or made me feel or whatever.... and he was the one that was wrong... I was hurt because ALL of his friends knew... and covered for him....

These friends came to my house... ate my food .... were around my kids.... and lied to my face.... I know they're not "bad people" but I HATE THEM!

I could give a shit less about them or Gurcan right now... ALL THE EMOTIONAL ABUSE! VERBAL!! LIKE WTF!

ALL THE TIMES I DOUBTED MYSELF.... because of HiM.... I'm still angry...

Settling

Things are settling down now... the boys are getting used to living here with my family. ( mom dad britt toby and noah)...

I feel like i've failed.

I feel like i'm holding on to something that was never 100% there and i should of seen it long ago.

I hate that part of me is still clinging on to hope...

So many things have changed.